OK, here’s something that really burns my ass. I was at the local AMC googleplex today to see the latest installment in the Star Trek series, and got truly pissed off at the NCN Pre-show countdown. If you’ve never been to an AMC, then let me enlighten you as to what this miracle of modern advertising is. It’s 7-10 minutes of COMMERCIALS! Oh true, some of them are lightly disguised, but they are freaking commercials. Some of them are truly stupid, too. Now, to cap this off, we have trailers, which are just more commercials for upcoming movies. I used to really look forward to trailers. But ever since about 1999, I haven’t seen a trailer in the theater that I hadn’t already seen online somehow. Most of the trailers I see in the theater are for the crap films that I wouldn’t waste my bandwidth downloading, and so that just serves to annoy the hell out of me even more. Today, 2.5 minutes of my life were wasted watching a trailer for Kangaroo Jack. If it were 30 seconds longer, I probably would have slit my wrists.

Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t one of the reasons for going to the theater is to be able to watch a movie uninterrupted? Oh, you can reason that these commercials are not interrupting anything, and that since they are at the beginning of the show that they are harmless. Once upon a time, I used to go to the movies, see the Will Rodger’s Institute fundraising commercial, see 2 trailers and we’re into the movie in less than 10 minutes. Now, the preshow “entertainment” can last anywhere from 20 to 35 minutes (I’ve timed it, Spider-Man last year). When did movies become so complex?

So, I do a little investigating. The National Cinema Network is responsible for this monstrosity. Looking at their website you can see the quote “Reach up to 54 million captive consumers monthly”. And if you look at their fact sheet site you will see all the different little ways that they are subversively invading the moviegoing population’s subconscious. These people are truly one step away from backwards subliminal messaging in the movies, I tell you. And they are EVIL!

So anyway, that’s my little bit of research for the week. I got my jollies just mocking the “entertainment”. I feel a small moral victory when people don’t tell me to shut up when I’m talking over the commercials at the beginning of the show. After all, do you sit quietly and listen to the commercials when you’re in your home? If you do, you’re a sad sad individual.